Healing Isn’t Linear: It’s Loops, Detours, and Sometimes Naps

I really don’t know who decided to market healing as this beautiful, enlightened journey full of rainbows, clarity, and inspirational quotes … but they lied. And while I’m not saying I’d throat-punch whoever started that myth… I am saying I’d like a strongly worded conversation with them.

Because here’s the thing: people often ask me in therapy,
“When am I going to be healed?”
“When will it stop hurting?”

And the honest answer?
There’s no finish line.
No magical day where the universe stamps your forehead Healed. Congratulations.
No emotional graduation ceremony.

Healing is messy.
Healing loops.
Healing detours.
Healing doubles back on itself.
Healing sometimes looks like you’re doing great… until one random Tuesday takes you out.

It’s a lot like starting a streak on Snapchat: you get consistent with the good-enough days, and then BAM …something knocks you sideways. Maybe it’s something small like a flat tire when you’re already running late. Or maybe it’s something huge and life-altering, like a phone call that changes everything.

Life escalates quickly. Pain escalates quickly. Healing, unfortunately, does not.

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What Healing Actually Looks Like

Healing is not the absence of hard days.
Healing is recognizing you bounce back a little quicker than before.

Maybe what used to spiral you for three weeks now only spirals you for three days.
Maybe you still get overwhelmed, but you can name it instead of drowning in it.
Maybe instead of doom scrolling for six hours, you put the phone down and shower.
Maybe you eat a meal.
Maybe you rest.
Maybe you literally do the bare minimum; and that’s still healing.

These are not small wins.
These are foundational shifts.

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A Personal Note

When I lost my grandparents, I was furious.
Like, visibly angry.
Angry at God, the universe, the driver who swerved into my grandfather and cousin. Angry in a way that made me shut down and push people away. I drank to cope. I picked fights. I didn’t want comfort. I wanted answers.

With my most recent loss, the anger is still there.
But I’m learning to meet it differently.

I rage lift at the gym.
I talk to my therapist.
I recognize it when it shows up and give it space instead of letting it take over.

Healing can look like unlearning cultural norms that taught you to “be strong.”
It can look like honoring emotions that were labeled “negative.”
It can look like letting people support you instead of pretending you can carry everything alone.

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Sometimes Healing Is… Rest. Literally Just Rest.

We don’t talk enough about how restorative rest actually is.
Healing can be:

• getting under the softest blanket you own

• binging a comfort show

• not being productive

• not explaining yourself

• not feeling guilty for doing nothing

You are not weak for needing rest.
You are human.
And humans burn out. Humans break down.
Humans need time to recover from everything they carry.

Healing isn’t a climb.
It’s a cycle.
It’s seasons.
It’s contraction and expansion.
It’s learning who you are when things fall apart — and who you are as they slowly come back together.

And sometimes, healing is just… taking a nap.

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If You’re in the Middle of It Right Now

You’re not failing.
You’re not back at square one.
You’re not doing it wrong.

You are healing … even on the days that don’t feel like progress.

If you’d like support while navigating the loops, detours, and messiness of your own healing, I’m here.

You don’t have to figure it out alone.